Dear Sticky Wicket,
A recent CNN study found that most white parents do not proactively discuss race with their children because they believe it brings attention to a problem that doesn’t exist. Does this tendency show a lack of sensitivity, no knowledge of history, or simply playing the ostrich?
~Curious in Seattle
Dear Curious,
In some white households, parents discussing race with their children is about as uncomfortable as talking about “the birds and the bees” and alcohol.
Gary Bailey, a professor at the Simmons College School of Social Work in Boston, teaches the racism curriculum at the school.
He says it is a privilege of whiteness to not have to discuss race or what it means and doesn’t mean to be white to a child.
“Many students will say that they never thought about race until they entered college and then they are like sponges wanting to be exposed or they are unsure how to enter into the conversation because they come with so many preconceived, parentified ideas about the topic,” he says.
Some have been told who they can and in some instances who they cannot and should not bring home or fall in love with, Bailey adds.
Bailey compares talking about race in some white households to talking about condoms. If the subject of condoms is never brought up then the kids won’t have sex. Or, if they don’t have alcohol in the house the children won’t drink.
“I can only assume that the topic of race is like that for many of these parents who were part of that CNN survey,” Bailey says. “Many may have grown up believing that to notice race or any difference was a quote unquote, “’bad thing.’”
Charles Gallagher, chair of the sociology department at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, says many white Americans believe that institutional racism and discrimination are practices of the past.
He adds that having a black president, Latino Supreme Court justices, and non-white celebrities confirm for many whites that we are a colorblind society.
“White parents do talk about race with their children but often in the context that anyone can achieve the American Dream if they try,” he says. “Race as many white Americans now see it no longer shapes socio-economic outcomes.”